CENTER POINT THE CENTER FOR SELF-CHANGE NEWSLETTER
Vol. 4, No. 9 - September, 2010
CYCLES, CIRCLES AND SPIRALS IN RELATIONSHIPS
Rev. J. Kingston Cowart, M.S.
I performed a marriage ceremony a few weeks ago at 6:30 in the evening on the edge of one the bluffs that make up Sunset Cliffs in Ocean Beach (San Diego).
We have a saying here about our climate: "In San Diego spring comes in summer; summer comes in fall; fall comes in winter; and winter not at all." It was certainly true that evening. Even though this was the coolest summer since 1934 and the sky was overcast, the temperature was pleasant, the air fresh, and the breeze was gentle.
The setting was beautiful. The sea and the low-hanging clouds were both slate colored and the water was almost flat. On the far horizon a broad shaft of sunlight shone down like an illuminating waterfall, turning the oncoming combers directly beneath it into bright bars of silver which appeared and disappeared in a field of gray as part of an eternal rhythm — the recurring cycle of the tides.
There are basically two kinds of natural cycles: alternation and circulation. Civilizations have been built on the reliability of each. The islands of Polynesia, for instance, were populated by skilled navigators using the circulation of the stars and the ebb and flow of tides (as well as steady currents) to cross the Pacific. Asians and Europeans have long used the same elements in the conduct of regional or global trade.
Such cycles are objective, but subjective cycles exist as well.
An objective cycle of alternation helped to create the greatness of ancient Egypt. It is well known that the annual flooding of the Nile, cycling around at the same time every year in the circle of the seasons, turned the Egyptian desert into an agricultural breadbasket.
But the Nile also had special features which made it a channel for commerce and government administration.
Flowing northward at a steady rate of two miles per hour, the Nile permitted easy travel for boats carrying grain and other goods — and soldiers, priests, and officials. Concurrently, a constant south wind blows at the same speed in the opposite direction. The two together made a stable two-way line of communication possible.
The alteration in this case has to do with how these objective natural phenomena were subjectively used by merchants, religious leaders, and royal administrators to create and maintain a continuous cycle of movement up and down the whole length of Egypt.
As I thought of these things it came to me that married life involves a natural ebb and flow of its own — the alteration of passion and power, good times and bad, sickness and health, kindness and anger, joy and sorrow. Each of these comes in its own time, lasts for a while, and is replaced at some point by its opposite.
Just as the cycle of tides takes place under the circle of the stars (the great "wheel in the sky") so too relationships circle around again and again to the same fundamental themes — not just alternately but also sequentially.
Research on biorythms shows that both men and women have regular objective lunar cycles of ups and downs in mood, energy, and outlook on life.
In addition, from childhood on, each of us recurrently encounters subjective issues of acceptance, abandonment, connection and the loss of connection, success, failure, confidence and anxiety (and many others) as we move from one situation to another over time.
Thus the cycle that alternates between joy and sorrow for instance will recur within the circle of events which include the birth of a child, the loss of a parent, the happiness of family life, the inevitable disappointments that are part of life itself, and then the birth of a grandchild — and all of that will be compounded to some extent by the status of our own biorhythms and those of the people we are involved with in any of those events at any given time.
At each waypoint along the circle, joy and sorrow (or passion and power, etc.) arise anew and must be worked through once again.
If we have dealt well with them in the past, then the circle may be seen as a rising spiral in which they are encountered at progressively higher levels. The more we learn each time, the more effectively we meet every situation the next time. Otherwise, the tendency is to spiral downward.
That evening I was on a cliff at the edge of the ocean, preparing to marry two people for whom all these things would soon come into play. I think that's why I thought of them in the context of marriage.
On reflection of course the same principles apply equally to any human relationship (and indeed any human endeavor). They are part of the inherent reality of every enduring engagement with others, from our friendships to our interactions with bosses, subordinates, and coworkers — and of course with all family members near or far.
Cycles, circles, and spirals are not only part of nature (the tides and the Nile and the heavens) but of human nature (moods, energy, outlook) as well.
We will see them if we look for them.
We can learn from them as we see them.
Our lives will be richer, and our efforts more effective, for having done so.
J. Kingston Cowart
JOIN THE CENTER CIRCLE
It's easy. Every Wednesday for a few minutes between 10:00 and Noon sit down and turn inward - through prayer, meditation, self-hypnosis or any modality you choose - and send out good thoughts to everyone else in the circle.
I'll be there. How about you?
J. Kingston Cowart 619.561.9012 Post Office Box 19005 San Diego CA 92159 jkcowart@self-change.com
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