CENTER POINT
THE CENTER FOR SELF-CHANGE NEWSLETTER

Vol. I, No. 11 - NOVEMBER, 2007

THE POWER OF THANK YOU

J. Kingston Cowart
"The Change Maker"

I received the following note this Thanksgiving month, presented here with permission.

"This Christmas we are giving [our 20 year old daugher] her first car. We thought this would never happen because she could not learn to drive from being so nervous about it. The driving lessons did not work because she would never relax. Now she passed her course and the test so she got her license the first try. This is great for our whole family. Thank you John for helping her be able to drive."

Several things came to mind after I read that message.

I was glad for the good news, of course, but the "Thank you John" at the end really made the message special for me. It was simple and sincere and personal - the way a good thank you ought to be.

Too many thank yous are just perfunctory. You go to the supermarket and once you've paid for your purchases, the clerk says "Thank you" - half the time already moving on to the next customer.

The clerk's tone of voice tells you that he or she is not really talking to you as a person but is only saying something that is part of the job.

Even more often there is no thank you at all. Hold a door open for someone these days and you may hear "thank you" about half the time - even then just in passing, without even the brief regard of a hurried glance.

Incidentally regard in French means to look, to see. When we fail to look
at others in saying our thank yous we are, in effect, disregarding them.

Some of us may actually say thanks a lot - and we even say "thanks a lot" - but it's not the same as "thank you" because it doesn't have you in it.

And that's the point. The you makes it particularly meaningful. And having someone look at you when they say it makes it even more so.

Try looking right at someone and saying this to them: "Thank you!" It's very different. People respond to it differently, as well - not just automatically but emotionally instead. You'll find that when you do this your tone of voice naturally becomes sincere.

Then try this: "Thank you, Jane." Emphasize both the thanks and the name. That really stands out because everyone likes to be recognized by name.

Using fMRI imagery that shows neural activity in vivid colors, researchers have learned that there are distinctive reactions in specific areas of the brain when our names are spoken.*

So we really do “light up” when someone uses our name.

And I really lit up emotionally when I read that message.

It made me feel as though I had done something well - and told me what it was.

It let me know that I had made a difference for someone and motivated me to want to do more for that family and for everybody.

And it called me by name, connecting directly with my sense of self.

I've been working at my profession for a long time now - and that thank you still affected me in all those ways.

That's the power of thank you.

Saying a personal, meaningful thank you is a simple - and simply wonderful - way to acknowledge and encourage others.

Use it with those you love at home - and those with whom you work.

Make it meaningful with a sincere voice, a look in the eye, the use of their name - and remember to tell them what you're thanking them for.

They will respond to that.

They will like it.

And so will you.

J. Kingston Cowart

*Kampe, K. K, et al. (2003) "Hey John: Signals Conveying
Communicative Intention Toward the Self Activate Brain
Regions Associated with Mentalizing, Regardless of
Modality Journal of Neuroscience 23, 5258–5263.

JOIN THE CENTER CIRCLE

It's easy. Every Wednesday
for a few minutes between
10:00 and Noon sit down and
turn inward - through prayer,
meditation, self-hypnosis or
any modality you choose -
and send out good thoughts
to everyone else in the circle.

I'll be there. How about you?

J. Kingston Cowart
www.self-change.com
619.561.9012
Post Office Box 19005
San Diego CA 92159

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