Self-Change - ctrpoint

In life, the Greek playwright Euripides was the last great tragedy writer of his time.

Raised in democratic Athens, Euripides felt no qualms about walking freely around the royal palace of the Macedonian kings.

Unfortunately, he did not realize that in a monarchy, certain parts of the palace are off limits to visitors. He meandered into the king's apartments and into a pack of the king's guard dogs.

The hungry dogs were not informed that the trespasser was possibly the greatest Greek dramatic writer in history - and that was the end of Euripides.

We human beings tend to forget how limited we are. We have desires and believe they should be achieved. We have always wanted to fly, but only in the last hundred years have we been able to. And due to the limitations of our human nature we can only do it with machines.

Like many people - even really smart people - Euripides failed to recognize the limits of his situation.

In my counseling practice, this issue often comes up as a matter of respect for boundaries between our own affairs and those of others.

Parents can have problems with this - and spouses, too - when they intrude too much into the decision-making or belief systems of those they love.

In my consulting and training work, I have found that the same is true in our relationships with subordinates and coworkers. We sometimes wish to help those who share their problems with us. We want to be good and make things better for them in some way.

Do gooders most often end up as disappointed victims in one way or another - because most people who simply complain about things do not really want to change them. That would mean changing themselves. They don't really want us to cross into their territory and try to stimulate that change.

It is good, of course, to encourage people from time to time, or to lend a friendly ear or offer a helpful suggestion. That can be part of right action on behalf of others.

Firstly, we pay attention to actual realities and not just to our own images of what is before us. That means sincerely (and quietly) investigating the things at hand and not just going on our own assumptions.

Secondly, we practice a constant stepping back from each impulse that comes upon us: the impulse to help, or to fulfill our curiosity (like Euripides), or to take advantage of what seems like an opportunity, or to make something happen. This involves investigating our own motives. In fact the best brake on going too far lies in asking ourselves "What am I trying to make happen right now?"

There is something in life which somehow lets us know when we are about to make a mistake. There is a knowingness within us that calls us away from wrong action.

When it does not call us away, we are free to go ahead - without falling victim to the anxiety, confusion, worry, and situational depression so often generated when mistakes are made.

.................................stepping back. . .

................................................................waiting,

Otherwise we get will eventually too far ahead of ourselves, violate our limits, and end up - like Euripides - going to the dogs when we least expect it.

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